Fallen
by Iana
Summary: Summary: "Piper blacked out quickly, maybe as a Divine Providence. It didn't stop the abuse, though. The ground beneath her was stained red with her blood, her golden skin marked with cuts and bruises. Her beautiful face was distorted, both eyes blackened and swollen shut and that gave her predators and even bigger rush. Let's see what she'd do when she wasn't so pretty anymore."
1. Let her go

Fallen

By Iana

Pairing: Alex/Piper

Rating: NC-17

Summary: "Piper blacked out quickly, maybe as a Divine Providence. It didn't stop the abuse, though. The ground beneath her was stained red with her blood, her golden skin marked with cuts and bruises. Her beautiful face was distorted, both eyes blackened and swollen shut and that gave her predators and even bigger rush. Let's see what she'd do when she wasn't so pretty anymore."

Piper broke up with Larry before Christmas Party but Alex brushed her off. What happens when Doggett decides to expel the "lesbian demon" of our blonde once for all? Will Alex forgive herself? Last episode of season 2, written with a whole different perspective.

Author's note: Just cause I wanted Piper to be less of a damn coward and grab what she really wanted instead of going for the safer option. And also because I wanted Doggett to make her hurt.

Any typos, grammar mistakes or errors in the plot, please let me know.

Truly hope you enjoy this.

Chapter 1

 **"Well, you only need the light when it's burning low**

 **Only miss the sun when it's starts to snow**

 **Only know you love her when you let her go…"**

"I'm sorry, Larry. I can't marry you."

He had cried and she had felt like a terrible person. But the truth of the matter was that Piper was done running. She was done hurting and she was done trying to avoid the unavoidable. She loved Alex Vause and that was that. It was time that they had a damn break. She was tired of all that lesbian soap-opera drama. Alex and her were good together. They just had to stop sabotaging each other.

She walked towards Alex's cube with a new focus and a mission. It was hard breaking someone else's heart but the truth was: she was relieved. When she got there, though, Alex and Nicky were sitting close together on the narrow bed and Piper's stomach dropped as a voice whispered an impossible theory in her ear. She shook her head to dispel it, telling herself it was crazy and looked at Alex.

"Alex."

But suddenly everything went so, very wrong…

"Are you kidding me? Get out!"

"Alex…"

"Get out. No fucking way. Get out."

And her eyes were hateful and harsh. And Nicky was smirking and Piper's heart was somewhere on the ground between the three of them, contorting like a fish out of water, trying to draw oxygen.

"You heard the lady." Nicky's voice was like sandpaper. Like nails on a chalkboard. Like a death sentence. Piper's eyes filled and she swallowed the thousand words she wanted to say.

Turning on her heels she left, feeling so numb she couldn't feel her legs or the tips of her fingers or the tears that now streamed like rain down her cheeks, hot and flushed form sheer, downright humiliation.

Everyone was in some sort of Christmas celebration but Piper just _couldn't_. She had nothing to celebrate. She had just gotten the biggest piece of charcoal in the whole wide world. She beelined for the door, no coat and raised her head to the sky when she got outside. Her feet crunched the snow as she ran. Away from the building, away from Alex's hard eyes, from Nicky's smirk, away from her bleeding heart. She dropped somewhere between the race track and the shed and sat there, on the snow with her knees hugged close to her chest. The weather was so bitchy that everyone was inside, among Christmas preparations and that was just mighty fine. She couldn't form words or even gather the energy to lift her head now, let alone talk to someone.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

Piper's spine froze and she raised her eyes to stare into Doggett's. The craziness in them was scary enough. Added to that, the fact that she was holding the makeshift blade and surrounded by Leanne and Angie, made Piper downright terrified.


	2. Good enough

Chapter 2

 **"** **Hey your glass is empty, it's a hell of a long way home. Why don't you let me take you? It's no good to go alone.**

 **I never would have opened up but you seemed so real to me. After all the bullshit I've heard, it's refreshing not to see. I don't have to pretend, she doesn't expect it from me…"**

She tried getting up fast but the ice was slippery and her legs were a little numb from the cold and the cramped position. Doggett's smile was a little crazy and as Leanne and Angie grabbed both her arms and twisted them behind her back before pulling her to her feet, she approached Piper and stuffed a sock in her mouth. And just like that, Piper realized that they really meant business.

Piper bucked and tried to escape but a swift punch to her belly caused her to fold and try to breathe and not vomit. They pulled and pushed her towards the greenhouse and as soon as Piper got her breath back she tried to escape again. This time, Pennsatucky, who was hurrying to get her inside before anyone spotted them, just punched her right in the face. Her mouth felt like it was exploding. Pain registered a second after she felt the woman's fist hit the corner of her lips. Her teeth knocked violently together and unluckily for her, her tongue was right in the middle, what caused her to bite it pretty hard and break the skin.

Blood filled her mouth and she spit it on the snow, feeling her tongue immediately start to swell. The makeshift blade was placed on her cheek, near her eye and she froze as it nicked the skin. "You try that again and I'll make sure your face is split in two." As soon as they managed to get her inside, Piper's saw that this move had been coming for a long time. There was duct tape on a table near the far end corner, next to a big and deep bowl. The one Red used sometimes in the kitchen to put the dirty dishes. She tried talking, screaming, cursing but it was all muffled behind the sock.

Doggett laughed. "You can scream all you want, you lesbo. Jesus put you here today and we're gonna fix you up. No more lesbian activities for you."

God damnit the woman was even more of a wacko than Piper had given her credit for.

"Angie, you need to get back to the main building. They need to see at least one of us, so we'll take turns."

Before leaving, Angie and Leanne tied Piper to a pole in the middle of the greenhouse, that in the old days would be used to hang different pots and also sustained a beautiful glass ceiling. After that only Pennsatucky spoke between worlds of hurt.

She alternated between beatings and ramblings and cutting and drowning Piper into the bowl of icy water until she was sure she was going to die, only to have her head pulled back at the last moment. All the time, they kept praying and asking her to renounce Satan and her "lesbian" ways and walk in Jesus' path.

Piper could do nothing but scream, the sound muffled behind the sock and after a while she lost track of the punches, of who she was, of who was beating her. She thought of Alex and hoped that if she had to die, it would at least wait until she could talk to the brunette one last time, listen to her voice. There was so much she wanted to say and that she regretted... It was funny wasn't it? That the one thing humanity had in common was that careful evaluation people usually did when faced with death. It was hard to look back and find so many regrets.

She didn't pray because she didn't think she had the right to. She didn't beg because she would never give them the satisfaction. After a while, she just stopped existing and was only a body, a shell, tied to that pole. Her essence was with Alex, watching as she talked to Nicky and went to the cafeteria to enjoy Christmas dinner.

Piper blacked out, maybe as a Divine Providence or as an answer to a prayer she didn't exactly voice. It didn't stop the abuse, though. The ground beneath her was stained red with her blood, her golden skin marked with cuts and bruises. Her beautiful face was distorted, both eyes blackened and swollen shut and that gave her predators and even bigger rush. Let's see what she'd do when she wasn't so pretty anymore.

Her blond hair was bloodied from a cut on her scalp and were her eyes not closed, they would be burning and painted red from the liquid dripping in her face.

After a while the attack stopped, the harsh pants from Pennsatucky and the sound of the blade nicking her skin vanishing and leaving the shed dead quiet. Pennsatucky guessed it was almost holy in a way.

They left quickly, untying her from the pole and putting Piper's unconscious body behind three large pots of plants and closing the door. Christmas dinner was going to start any minute and they had to be inside the main building when it happened.


	3. Hold me

Author's Note: Hey guys! Thanks so much for reading this and for leaving such nice reviews, I loved every single one.

I'm sorry that the first two chapters were kind of short but I felt it was important to divide them this way. The third one is a bit longer and I hope you'll like it better, lol.

I decided to post two chapters today for no other reason than that I'm not a patient person. It would take a lot of me to wait until tomorrow to post this and I'm an instant gratification kind of gal.

Bad news is that what I'm posting now is all I have written so far, so the next update should be in a couple of days. If you are the kind of person that has more patience and restraint than me, wait and read this chapter tomorrow.

Thanks again for reading!

Cheers,

Iana

Chapter 3

 **"** **More than angry words I hate this silence, it's getting so loud.**

 **Well I wanna scream but bitterness has silenced these emotions; it's getting hard to breathe.**

 **So tell me isn't happiness worth more than a gold diamond ring?**

 **I'm willing to do anything to calm the storm in my heart…"**

Alex didn't mean or want to but the first thing she did when she entered the cafeteria with Nicky was to look for Piper. A voice inside her head had been nagging her since she had told Piper to go away. She had cowardly stuck to Nicky's side the whole day, avoiding her ex-girlfriend like she was Satan's love child.

But it was weird for Piper to miss dinner. Especially since she had skipped lunch as well. Besides, it was Christmas; she shouldn't spend it alone. Cursing her stupid, lovestruck, no self-esteemed self, Alex forced the voice that had been whispering in her ear to _find Piper_ to shut the fuck up and kept eating.

But when dinner was over and half an hour later she could see no signs of Piper anywhere the voice started to shout and Alex decided to look for the blond, just so she could have some damn peace. She asked for Nicky's help who, after calling her a "whipped fool", started the search party of two. They were halfway out the door when Red approached them.

"Just saw that Pennsatucky and her friends coming inside looking all happy about something. I'm telling you, that group is trouble…"

They found her twenty minutes later. Between the three of them, they did quick work on the inside of the main building. Since Piper couldn't be found anywhere and it was highly improbable she had escaped from prison, they decided to search outside. The wind was bitter cold, snowing falling around them in an almost ethereal way. As they approached the shed, Nicky saw footprints and a spot of blood.

Alex could almost feel her blood drain from her face and pool in her racing, tight heart. She panted and rushed inside the dirty, cold shed, immediately freezing in her tracks. The first sight that greeted her was Piper's legs – she could recognize them even if she was dead, blind and concussed – behind some pots on the back.

"Piper! Oh God, no! Nicky, Red, help!"

Alex rushed forward, Nicky and Red right behind her. She felt her legs give way and fell on her knees, soaking her pants with Piper's blood. Without realizing she was doing it, Alex started to sob, hands shaking as she tried to decide which part of Piper she could touch without adding to the damage already present on her body.

"Holy Fuck!"

Nick cursed loudly and knelt by Piper's head, taking quick survey of her injuries while touching her fingers to her throat to check for a pulse. It was a little faint but there and she appeared to be breathing but damn the woman looked like a car had run her over.

"Piper? Pipes, _please_!"

Alex brushed a hand down Piper's bloodied and wet hair, half-blind from her foggy glasses. She pushed them up to her head and only then noticed that Piper was naked.

"Oh, God! Oh my God!" Alex shrugged out of her jacket and threw it over Piper.

Her face was a mess, eyes swollen shut, nose and lips swollen and bloodied. There was a cut on her forehead that didn't look deep but was bleeding profusely.

"Alex, we have to get her out of here. Counting is going to start soon and if we're not there we'll be fucked."

"Nick, we shouldn't move her. What if there's something broken?"

There was never a moment in Alex life where she felt more desperate or lost. It couldn't end like this. _They_ couldn't end like this. Piper's face was a mess, her body was covered in a hundred cuts and she couldn't help but realize that maybe the reason she went looking for her in her cube when she was hanging with Nicky earlier that day had something to do with this.

"Let's try to wake her up. If we can't then we'll call someone. This is bad, kid. We don't know who did it or what happened. We have to keep an eye on her until we find the sadistic fucker that is responsible for this. If they take her away there's no telling what will happen…"

Red placed a hand on Alex's shoulder, trying to be the voice of reason. The air on the tight shed was electrified and freezing. Piper's golden skin was a horrible shade of grey what they could see of her fingers and toes, blue. Red was almost 100% sure that that damn crooked-teethed girl and her imbecile lackeys had everything to do with the situation.

Alex's heart was like a raging thunderstorm in her chest. She lowered her head next to Piper's, lips close to her ear.

"Pipes, Babe, you need to wake up. Please... come on... wake up, Piper."

Piper was dreaming about Alex. She was remembering the day the brunette had asked her to travel with her for the first time. It was one of her sweetest memories. She was happy and safe and didn't want to leave that hotel room. However, suddenly, Alex disappeared and her voice was calling her from far, far away. She struggled towards it.

Unfortunately, the first thing she noticed when she came to wasn't Alex's beautiful, husky voice. She noticed that her face was a mass of pain and that her body was on fire. She opened her eyes but she couldn't see anything. Was she _blind?_

"Piper?"

So Alex _was_ calling her. But Alex couldn't be calling her name because she had told her to go away. She was with Nicky. The pain was so unbearable that Piper's body spasmed, brain fighting against that outlash of agony from different parts of her.

"Hold her! She's going to hurt herself!"

Nicky yelled, grabbing one of Piper's flailing hands in hers. It was hard not feeling guilty about her shenanigans with Alex earlier, when she was watching the petite blonde in so much pain. Alex looked like she would drop any minute now, all color drained from her face, eyes huge and scared.

Red cursed in Russian and grabbed Piper's head, turning the woman's face towards hers even though she knew her eyes were so swollen she wouldn't be able to see anything.

"Piper? Kid, it's Red. I know it hurts, believe me, I know. But you have to be quiet. We need to take you to the dorm, sort you out before counting and keep you out of the spotlight. Do you understand, child. You can't see because your eyes are swollen shut. Shhh, it's okay… Be quiet now, child. Alex is here. She's got you."

Red's calm, heavy accented voice seemed to penetrate through the red haze and Piper panted, trying to control her body's response to the pain. A hand ran over her hair and she turned her head towards the movement, even though all the bones in her face felt like they were just crunched shards beneath her skin. Red said Alex was here. She needed to tell Alex something important. What was it?

Her head hurt too much though and she could only remember something essential.

"Alex? Alex?"

Piper's voice was slurred and she could barely fit the words around her swollen tongue. Blood dribbled down her throat from her nose, her tongue, the inside of her cheeks and she swallowed, feeling slightly nauseous. Alex's face was frozen with tears and shock. She tried to hide the fear in her voice and cleared her throat before answering.

"Yeah, babe? I'm here."

Piper raised a swollen hand to try and find Alex's face and found it gripped as Alex brought it to her cheek and kissed her palm.

"I'm sorry… I…" Piper coughed and bucked again when her ribs belly felt like it would split open and expel all her organs on the dirty floor. She spit blood from her busted nose.

"I don't… _Christ, it hurts!_ "

"Pipes, it's okay. Just… shhh, it'll be fine. I'm fine, we're fine…"

"NO! It's not fine! I'm… _GOD!"_

All of a sudden, Piper felt like it was imperative for her to get it out. Her head was thrumming to the beat of her racing heart and tiny white dots were dancing behind her bruised eyelids.

"Alex, I love you. I broke up with Larry… It's you… It's always been you… Always been you… Alw.. ugh!"

The sentence was broken when Piper passed out. Alex was OUT. OF. CONTROL. She didn't know if she wanted to punch something, hug Piper until she could melt their bodies together or rip her hair out by the roots.

"GOD DAMNIT!" She roared as she jumped to her feet and paced the shed like an animal. Red promptly grabbed her by the upper arms and gave her a good shake.

"Alex, ALEX! We don't need this now. Piper needs help. Control YOURSELF. C'mon."

God only knew the effort it took Alex to do as Red said and it felt as if she was hanging by a thread. Her body vibrated with a rage so huge that she felt she was actually capable of murder. They managed to get Piper from the floor and bundled her into Alex and Nicky's coats, hoping to bring a little more warmth to her icy cold skin. Alex's adrenaline level was so high she carried Piper all the way to the main building, Nicky and Red hovering around her in case she needed help.

Luckily for them, it seemed that everyone was still at the cafeteria enjoying their Christmas Celebrations. Alex made a quick beeline to the dorm with Nicky while Red went in search of someone to help with the logistics of what they were about to do. She had a feeling it would take all of her several years of experience with smuggling to get out of this.


	4. We are born innocent

Thank you so much for all the amazing feedback. I'm aware that some situations would hardly happen, like for example Penssatucky being able to take Piper to the greenhouse at night but I really needed that gap to make the story work out. ;-)

I'm going to start a new story paralel to this one. If you're interested, I should be posting chapter one this week. It's AU and as usual - since I can't seem to write any other way - filled with Vauseman moments. ;-)

Cheers,

Iana

Chapter 4

 **"Adia I do believe I failed you**

 **Adia I know I've let you down**

 **don't you know I tried so hard**

 **to love you in my way**

 **it's easy let it go...…"**

Piper was eerily still. Alex was bathing her swollen face with a wet rag and fretting over the fact that they'd been at the dorm for almost 40 minutes and the blonde had barely stirred. Most of the blood was now gone; Red had brought Sister Ingalls, Daya and Big Boo as extra pairs of hands and boy were they helpful. Morello and Sophia had arrived a bit later and Alex almost wept with relief because although she wasn't able to, at that time, vocalize how damned grateful she was, it was the absolute truth.

It didn't matter that most of the times they made fun of Piper and her and said they wanted out of their lesbian soap-opera drama. When push came to shove, they had tightened around Piper like a safety balloon, each a crucial part in making the dangerous scheme work. Daya was the one that made sure  
Mendez, who was on counting and Bennett, who was bubble duty that day, overlooked the shenanigans going on Alex's cube. Big Boo kept an eye out  
for other COs and curious inmates. The other six women worked quickly on Piper's injuries while at the same time, trying to keep her warm under three blankets that were handed over and Alex had no idea where came from.

Luckily, they discovered that all the cuts were shallow and apparently nothing was broken (Sophia had prodded, probed and felt every inch of Piper's body). Red and Morello had bribed/begged Chuck, who worked at the infirmary, for some butterfly Band-Aids, and that was what had been the riskiest. Red had promised three loaves of her special cornbread and probably her soul.

Sophia had bandaged the small cuts, especially the one on Piper's head. The one on her upper lip, just next to her philtrum was the deepest and they were crossing fingers, hoping that the tiny bandage would be enough and she wouldn't need stitches.

Her face was the worst part. Her eyes were so swollen Sophia had a hard time pulling her eyelids apart to check if she was concussed. Capillaries had burst and the whites were tinted red, the blue of her iris popping like flashlights.

All in all, it was a goddamn mess.

"Damn, I knew those hicks were bat-shit crazy but I didn't know they would go full wacko on College here."

Taystee's head was peaking from the top of the wall that divided Alex's cube from Jones and Morello's, eyes taking up her whole face. Alex's head whipped up and she stared at Taystee, brain wrapping around that comment and running with it. Her body thrummed like a live wire and it was enough to have Nicky and Big Boo pouncing on her and restraining both her arms behind her body. Nicky, who knew that even Daya wouldn't be able to make Mendez distracted enough to overlook Alex shouting bloody murder, clasped her hand on her mouth and dragged her down.

"Shut up, Vause. _NOW!_ You wanna help your girl or you wanna go to SHU?"

Alex bucked and groaned behind Nicky's hand, Big Boo still clasping her hands behind her back.

"Nicky's got a point, sugar. If you attract Mendez here, we'll all get shots and you'll get your ass in SHU, if not in max. Don't you think that's exactly what that wacko wants?"

The fight left her body and she panted, closing her eyes. Her glasses had flown out of her head when she was tackled by Boo and Nicky and ended up somewhere underneath her bunk. Tears pooled in her eyes and she shut them, trying to keep them in but it was no use. Before she knew it, she was sobbing, biting her lip to muffle the sounds. Nicky let go of her mouth and awkwardly, placed both arms around her, shushing gently. Life had taught her that it was really no use being guilty about things but right at that time, she couldn't feel guiltier. She was opening her mouth to say something that would hopefully comfort the other woman, when a raspy voice sliced like a knife through the mess and confusion.

"Alex?"

Piper heard, far, far away, voices and felt touches that hurt and ones that comforted. But the pull of sleep was so great she was only aware for minutes really, before sweet oblivion would bring rest from all the aches and pain in her body. One of the times, though, she surfaced and finally a veil lifted from her foggy brain so she could put her head above the water.

Her eyes opened but not really. She couldn't see. Was she blind? Was she dead? And then she remembered. Pennsatucky. Pain. Alex. Pain. Nicky. Pain. A moan left her body and someone touched her hair. Not Alex. Hand was too big. She heard sobs and _those_ were Alex's.

"Alex?"

She wondered if she was wrong and that wasn't really Alex. She also remembered that she wasn't supposed to come to Alex with her problems. Or her love. Or her laundry if it wasn't specifically her laundry day. That helped bring a new wave of pain that had nothing to do with her injuries. Piper licked her dry, chapped lips and swallowed. Pennsatucky had said she was unlovable. Maybe that was true… Maybe she didn't deserve to…

"Pipes? Honey? Babe?"

There was a scramble and the hand brushing her hair was gone and replaced by _ahhh_ … Alex's hand. She turned her head towards the voice and could feel something dripping on her face. Was she _crying_? Maybe she felt guilty.

"Alex? I… I'm sorry… Don't cry."

That only seemed to make it worse. Now she could really tell Alex was sobbing. Panicked, Piper raised both hands to try to find Alex's face and her breathing, which hurt a little because of her bruised ribs now was almost agony. She faintly heard someone telling Alex to get her SHIT together now and wanted to tell Red, (you thought it was Red) not to talk to Alex like that but couldn't breathe properly.

She wheezed and kept trying to find Alex's face when suddenly your hands were grabbed and brought to her wet cheek. The left one was lowered to Alex's chest and she started whispering something on Piper's ear, desperate to match their breathings and make that awful wheezing sound disappear so Piper could breathe easier.

Slowly, it did. She could tell that Piper was freaking out about not being able to see. People kept talking around them and Alex knew that the confusion and the fact that the last words she said to her were "Get out" were probably causing the petite blonde on her bed even more pain.

It was no news that Alex was fiercely protective of Piper. The women in Litchfield thought they had witnessed all there was to see of Alex's jealousy, possessiveness and craziness when it came to Piper's well-being. They had never seen Alex when Piper was hurt or sick, though.

She remembered clearly one time in Indonesia when Piper had stepped on a Stonefish at the beach. She thought it was a piece of glass and hadn't mentioned anything to Alex. The result was that, three hours later, her foot was three times the normal size, she was hot as a furnace and hallucinating. Tremors racked her whole body and she started having abdominal cramps. Alex had lost it. Luckily, upon listening to her symptoms, someone at the hotel had instructed her to place Piper's foot on hot water and vinegar, she had given her something for the pain and the fever and had called a local doctor to apply the anti-venom.

It had been an experience that had changed the way she looked at Piper, though. The sight of the blonde woman, so fragile on their bed, so sick, had finally made Alex realize the depth of her love. It was every single thing about Piper, really. Small tokens and memories she had collected during their years together.

The way she could only sleep on her stomach. Or the way she rocked her right foot, side to side, lulling herself and how it would make the bed move until it gently stopped, as she fell asleep.

Her giggle and how it sounded like a child's.

Her hate for sad movies because she abhorred crying. Specially in front of others.

Her sweet tooth and how sometimes you would wake up in the middle of the night and find her in the kitchen, sitting on the sink eating cake or pie. You'd get her off with your fingers while she kissed you and tasted like chocolate or lemon meringue.

Her temper and how it whipped back and forth when she was PMSing. And how her cramps would get so much better if you made her come again and again.

How it didn't matter to her if you were the one with the monthlies. She would fight you tooth and nails to eat you out even if it made you uncomfortable as hell.

When she listened to a song and liked it, you could expect to listen to it again and again until she tired of it.

The fact that she was an amazing driver.

Or when her feet were cold and she would try to warm them on any part of your body she could find because she hated wearing socks.

The dimples that winked at you when she smiled with her whole face.

And how it contorted when she was in pain.

Because everything Piper felt immediately translated into her face, into her body.

And Alex realized, looking back that it had been a long time since she saw those dimples flashing.

You thought that she had broken your heart when she left, right after your mother died. And damn her, she did. And sometimes after that. But still, weren't you to blame for some things as well? She _was_ innocent and naïve, even if you had told her before that she knew exactly what she was getting into. She had this absolute _honesty_ ingrained in her that baffled you. How many times had she went back into a store or restaurant because they had undercharged you?

"Alex?"

Piper's voice was raspy and low but enough to break her reverie. She shook her head to dispel the random thoughts, turning to focus on the blonde on her bunk. The women, finally finished with her injuries, had dispersed to not attract more attention, leaving only Nicky and Red, who, after touching Alex's shoulder softly, handed her a pack of frozen peas.

"Hey, Pipes. I'm putting something cold on your face, yeah?"

She nodded and Alex placed the packet on her swollen eyes. Lights blinked, signaling that they had one hour before lights out. She kept running her fingers through the blonde tresses, feeling an odd sense of comfort in the softness.

"Hurts…"

Alex's heart constricted. First chance she got she was going to _kill_ that hick and her gang.

"I know, babe…"

She was trying hard not to think that Nicky was there, though Red had left to give them a little more privacy. Having the three of them in her cube, again, took her back to earlier when Piper had come to her and she had turned her away. After having Nicky's fingers deep in her pussy.

Suddenly, she wished for a shower. Suddenly, she wished, more than anything to turn back time. Suddenly, she wished that Piper wasn't laying on those sheets.

"You should sleep a little… When you wake up, your eyes will be better and you can open them, ok?"

Her voice was watery and it turned raspy from the effort of going pass the lump on her throat. Pipes caressed her face with the hand that was still cupping her cheek, thumb brushing against her mouth. It felt wrong, having Piper touch her so lovingly when Alex's treatment of her had been so callous before.

"Alex… I'm… _ouch_ … sorry…" She was trying to find a position on the bunk that didn't hurt her back and ribs so much but even moving was hard.

"Sorry? For what, Pipes? Are you telling me you were trying to get beaten to a pulp?"

Even without being able to see, it wasn't difficult for Piper to picture Alex's face, eyebrow up, a cute little frown on the middle of her forehead and piercing blue eyes.

"No, not that. For earlier, for Larry. For coming to you with my problems now."

The hand that was on her hair was suddenly gone as Alex disappeared from her side.


	5. Clarity

CHAPTER 5

 **"** **Cause you are the piece of me**

 **I wish I didn't need**

 **Chasing relentlessly**

 **Still fight, and I don't know why**

 **If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?**

 **If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?"**

Last chapter...

"Sorry? For what, Pipes? Are you telling me you were trying to get beaten to a pulp?"

Even without being able to see, it wasn't difficult for Piper to picture Alex's face, eyebrow up, a cute little frown on the middle of her forehead and piercing blue eyes.

"No, not that. For earlier, for Larry. For coming to you with my problems now."

The hand that was on her hair was suddenly gone as Alex disappeared from her side.

Piper called her name several times, though it was no use. She heard scrambling noises, gasps and Nicky calling Alex's name. Then silence. At least the background buzzing that she had grown so accustomed to that it _was_ like silence. It weighted like silence.

Not being able to see brought a wave of panic she couldn't fight. Her face was a mask of fire and her whole body ached but it was nothing compared to her heart. She shouldn't have opened her damn mouth. She shouldn't have reminded Alex of the whole Larry deal. Who was she kidding? Piper was starting to realize that maybe she shouldn't be _alive_.

She touched the wall on her side to try and gauge how far she was from it and turned to face it, coming as close as she could. She hadn't cried when Pennsatucky beat her up with her fists or with words she couldn't help but feel were true. She hadn't cried when she thought she would die and everything she was or had been or would be was going to end in that dirty shed, in a prison in Litchfield.

Now she cried. Tears were silent though - she barely felt them on her swollen, busted face or had the power to stop them either – keeping a steady stream that wet the pillow. Despite the pain on her body, she felt an irresistible, pulling numbness. All panic and desperation were gone, leaving behind the feeling that she was underwater, unable to float, just lost in space and time. Like a switch was clicked, she let exhaustion drive her under. It was finally time to let go… If she had to be alone, now was the time to cut all the ties. No more bullshit. She would be invisible and not bother anyone else with her crap. She was tired of fighting – feelings, people, emotions, with herself – of living. It was time that she just existed. She had done it before.

Alex ran. She left the dorm and ran towards she didn't know where, away from Piper and a thousand demons. Nicky was hot on her heels and though Maxwell called a "No running, inmates", it was half-hearted and she never came after them. The whole prison seemed to be deep into Christmas spirit or maybe eggnog. The first counting was done earlier by O'Neill, who never blinked at Piper on Alex's bunk and just clicked away.

Well, Santa Claus was curve balling Alex like a motherfucker and Christmas Spirit could go fuck itself. She slammed a hand against a door and rushed inside. Her body bent at the waist and she gagged. Light was turned on by Nicky, who came in the supply closet right after her and closed the door.

"Well, fuck Vause. If you must have me running after you, you should at least warn me first. My thighs are fucking _burning!_ "

"She…she said…she said she's _sorry. She's FUCKING sorry!"_

Alex pointed a finger towards the door, pulling at her hair.

"Oi. Back up. Only dogs can understand you. Who said what with the who?"

Nicky placed a hand on her shoulder. Alex laughed, without mirth. It turned into a sob.

"Piper. She said she was sorry. About Larry. About coming to me with her problems. She was talking about being fucking beaten and _bothering_ me with it. Can… can you… She…"

Nicky sighed, finally catching the underlines of that particular conversation. Alex's back hit the wall as she slid slowly down, placed both her elbows on her bent knees and cupped her head in her hands. She felt the other woman sit next to her and assume the same position.

"Vause. You're running with this shit here, lesbian. What's wrong with Chapman being sorry? She _was_ a bitch and she should apologize for it. Getting beaten doesn't change that, does it?"

Alex's head whipped up and she stared at Nicky all murderous eyes and blotched face. But her friend had her head titled to the side, as if she really wanted an answer.

"You gotta stop with this lesbian "The L Word" crap. Seriously. You guys were doing good and then out of nowhere one of you shits everything up and we have enough anguish to make the whole female population of Litchfield start ovulating. She loves you, you love her and all that crap. Start being a couple and stop sabotaging one another, for fucks sake! I'm tired of this drama bullshit."

The room was silent as Alex contemplated Nicky's words. She knew every single thing she'd said was true. But Alex couldn't help but feeling guilty. Despite having been hurt by Piper with the whole "I choose Larry" bullshit, deep down she knew that she should have never named her. More than that, she should have never made her carry that stupid suitcase in the first place. It was over between them the moment she turned the love of her life into a goddamn mule. And that was her share of the blame pie, which was getting bigger by the minute. Who better than herself to understand the depth of Piper's issues? Hadn't she been the one who had so self-assuredly, told her in the bathroom – life-times ago – that she was the one who really _knew her_?

So fuck if she shouldn't have realized that whole conversation about their relationship out of prison was bound to make Piper run for the hills. And damn if, deep down inside she hadn't wanted to test her.

"You have issues, Vause. Work them out together. No more Nicky goodness for you, though."

Alex half-laughed, half-sobbed and they assumed a position really similar to the one in the library ages before.

When they returned to the dorm, the lights were almost out and Alex rushed to her cube. Piper was still on her bunk, curled towards the wall, looking diminished and sick.

Her heart did a roll inside her chest and dropped to her feet.

Nicky gave Alex a pointed look and went to talk to Morello for a bit before lights out. She didn't say anything but she would also go to Daya and offer her a shitload of Commissary snacks to convince Bennett – on bubble duty that night – to let her change places with Alex and maybe, those two, sharing a cube, would be able to make the damn thing work and stop making everyone feel like they were watching a goddam train wreck on slow motion.

While Nicky was being the softie nobody pegged her for, Alex approached her bunk and knelt on the floor by Piper's head. She placed one hand on her back and the other on her hair and dropped her forehead next to her blonde hair. She could still smell the blood and it made her nervous. Just the thought of Piper's blood, on her clothes, her jacket, made her want to gather the other woman close and chain herself to her in a way that she would never again be able to leave her sight and she'd always be able to protect her.

Piper moaned in her sleep while trying to turn on her other side and Alex cursed under her breath. The hand that was on Piper's hair cupped the back of her head and worked as a pillow when she was finally able to curl herself facing Alex.

Her eyes looked horrible and Alex tried not to think about what they'd do if she'd had some sort of cornea damage. She wouldn't go there. Her heartstrings could absolutely not take another pull today. It was impossible for her to think about Piper's incredible blue orbs, blind.

She dropped her forehead to Piper's and marveled on her warmth. After shivering and almost shattering her teeth from the shakes, she had finally lost the blue tinge on her lips. They had dressed her into Alex's clothes, not wanting to wait and she looked cute with oversized pants and socks, Alex's coat going all the way to the middle of her thighs.

The cut on her upper lip had stopped bleeding and a soft scab was already forming. That was good. Silently, Alex took inventory of all of Piper's injuries, memorizing them by heart and vowing to keep a close look on her for the next days. When she was better they would talk and figure things out. For now she just wanted to forget the vision of Piper and that pool of blood and that awful feeling she had got when she thought that she was dead, that her life had just turned a sick tinge of grey as her world was turned upside down and then back up again.


End file.
